Saturday, July 14, 2012

changes

I have news for all of you-

August 3rd will be my last day as an au pair in Germany.
By this time, I will have lived in this wonderful country for 4.5 months.
I am not going to provide a list of reasons for my decision,
because it's really quite simple...

It wasn't for me. 

of course, it's always a little more complicated than this.
but, before coming to Europe, 
I told myself I would stay for at least 3 months before returning to the US.
I would really give it a shot.
and, i'm confident that I did just this.
And, while I have truly enjoyed the experience,
in my heart, I know it's time for something different.

Now, this is where it gets complicated-
I have no idea what I want to do with my life, yet.
the only thing I am certain of is that I want a home and babies.
I know this without a shred of doubt.
however, whether or not now is the right time for these things has yet to be decided.

my life has not followed a straight path.
and, I doubt it will for quite some time. 
I refuse to settle with a job I hate,
but instead, I will continue to learn about who I am, 
and what I want.
I am certain that eventually,
my path will become clear.

as long as I have food on the table,
people to love,
and a roof of some kind over my head, 
I will be ok.

As for travel,
this passion will never, ever die,
nor will I ever stop.
I will always daydream about where to go, 
and what to see.
And, while I encourage everyone to travel alone,
it does get lonely.

who knows where I will be next month after I leave Europe.
and, for right now, i'm ok with that.
Tomorrow, I may feel different.
but, that's my life at the moment-
completely uncertain,
a little scary,
and always changing.
I have no plan.
at all-
except to continue finding myself and what makes me happy.



I have no regrets.
none.
moving to Germany was one of the best decisions I ever made.
It was the first time I ever did something completely on my own.
and, it has made me a stronger,
more independent person.

but, it's time to move on,
make the next change.

I am hoping to see a few more places before I leave-
I will keep you all updated.

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12 comments:

Jenny said...

The best thing I've come to realize about life is that it always has a way of working out for the best, and I have no doubt you will find your way! Good luck!

Courtney. said...

I'm happy for you that you got to enjoy that experience and I wish you the best in whatever your next endeavor will be! xoxo

Kat said...

Sometimes we just have to follow our heart despite what anyone else might think or say. I think it's so important that you made a decision that YOU are happy with! And in the meantime, enjoy the next few weeks!!

Alyx said...

At least you got to experience Europe and get that time to find yourself and discover a little bit more of who you are and what you want out of life! I'm so glad I got to meet you while you were there, and I know that things are going to work out great for you and the fiance!

And, let's face it - there's some delicious food here with your name on it.

Kristen Seuberling said...

I feel the same way that you do about your path in life not being super clear... my parents both had life paths that were relaitvely straight and obvious. However, mine has been more like a meandering hiking path full of switchbacks, where you never know what's going to be around the next corner. I don't think it's a bad thing, I think it just means that you and I get to have more interesting experiences, even if they don't last long.

Good luck as you turn this next corner!

Alex Butts said...

Sad to see you go but I know what's next will make you happier, which is what's most important. Enjoy your last month more than ever!

Kristin W said...

Honestly, what an inspiring post. That quote hits right at home. I'm glad you got this experience! Looking forward to seeing where life takes you next!

K said...

Best of luck Bailey! I can completely understand your situation as I was in it myself earlier this year. Deciding to leave Europe and the life I created for myself there was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make. I'm sure you've taken loads of time to think about this and that is so important. I know I hesitated for weeks, honestly months, before I committed. Will be thinking of you as you transition and begin to figure out the next steps!

Andi of My Beautiful Adventures said...

YES! Never live life with regrets!!! And change is scary, but it's also ridiculously exciting...best wishes!

Sarah and Stewart said...

Exciting news and it seems like you have such a great attitude! Can't wait to see where your next adventure leads...

hayley [see.hay.fly] said...

is it bad that i am so excited you'll be home to hang?

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