Monday, June 25, 2012

lost&found


The past twelve days with the fiance have come and gone.
And, like always, they went by too fast.
This time, instead of returning to India, he will be flying home to California.
Knowing that he is flying home makes his departure so much harder.

I have been missing home a lot lately-
friends, family and all things familiar.
I probably never would have moved to Germany if he hadn't moved to India to work.
(I would rather be with him, after all)
Although he will be returning to India eventually,
he has no idea when.
one week. two weeks. two months?
who knows.

This unknown is killing me.
(not just the unknown of when he'll be returning to India this time, but when we'll have a life together again)
I can only live day-by-day so much-
I am a person that needs a plan,
or, at the very least, a rough timeline of events.
I only have one life,
and I should spend it with the person I love,
as much as possible.
(our relationship is much stronger when we're together, vs. apart)

Unfortunately, I don't always get what I want.

so, today is a sad day for me.
and the upcoming weeks will not be easy.
I hoped it would get easier with time,
but it's only getting harder,
and harder,
and harder.

Home is where the heart is,
and right now,
I feel a little lost.

I am very thankful for one thing-
and that is travel.
At this point it is the only thing keeping me in Germany.
when I am in a new, completely foreign place, 
I know it's exactly where I am suppose to be-
even if this feeling lasts for just a moment.


*my apologizes for the depressing post. I try to keep things as light and happy as possible on this little space of mine, but, this is my blog, my memories, and my life.
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14 comments:

Maria said...

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers today, dear!

McKenzie said...

Sending happy thoughts your way! Just remember that you have a very special relationship that most people dream of; and while you may be far from home you are experiencing places and things that are helping you grow into a stronger person. Not everyone has a chance to live abroad in a beautiful place like Germany. Stay positive! :)

Mrs. Robinson said...

It's always hard to be apart from the ones we love, and I hate you're going through such a rough time. Just try to remember that you're exactly where God wants you to be right now and you'll get to leave once you learn the lesson He's trying to teach you. :) That knowledge doesn't make things suck any less, I know, but hopefully it can bring you some peace. Try to enjoy this adventure the best you can and enjoy the small things. :)

Alyx said...

Things will get better! Keep your chin up!!!

Svenja said...

Hey, I can so understand you. I lived abroad before and know the feeling of missing the beloved ones... Also those tiny things, like certain products in a supermarket that country does not offer, or stupid formal things, such as dealing with bureaucracy -- it can be so frustrating, that booking the next flight home seems the wisest thing to do. But after all, you will have a whole lot of awesome experiences in your back pack and the feeling of being lost and alone has disappeared.. Head up & keep positive ! Svenja

dreaming en francais said...

I can imagine how tough it is, but kudos to you for turning it into something positive (in a way) and moving out to Germany and doing your own thing. You two will be reunited (for good) before you know it! For now, enjoy all the traveling! xo

http://dreamingenfrancais.blogspot.com/

Britta Marie said...

i hope you know that you are not alone with your feelings! i currently live away from my friends and family and completely understand how much you are missing your home. i also went through a long-distance relationship of countries apart for over a year and can relate to that feeling of needing to be with your loved one! if you ever need someone to vent to my mailbox is always open! sending happy thoughts your way, my dear.

Katrin said...

I am so sorry! Hope things will get better soon!

Jordan Jaked said...

Praying for you, my dear.

I hope you find peace soon.

Allison said...

Long distance is not fun! Hang in there girl. On a positive note...I've loved looking around your blog. New follower. :)

tandaschroeder said...

Beautiful. Don't be sorry for the post..that's what blogs are all about. Reminds us to appreciate the good days, right?

♥ xoxo.
we & serendipity

Shireen | eatplaylovethattop.com said...

I have also been struggling with these same exact feelings! My boyfriend and I have been dating long-distance for over a year now, and even though we've made trips to see each other in Korea and Taiwan, for the past 4 months, he's been back home in Seattle living and working, surrounded by his best friends and family. And I'm still here... I know I'll probably regret not taking advantage of every moment I have while living in a foreign country...but sometimes it's hard to "stay positive". Sometimes (like you feel right now!) I just want to succumb to my sadness and admit that I'd rather be home with him.I, too, don't know when he and I will be living in the same COUNTRY again--it might be another few years. The unknown kills me, too, and I am SO GLAD you said this. (I drafted a similar blog post, but haven't had the courage to post it.) Good for you for admitting that even though you're traveling, it's not always perfect.

Lyndsy said...

Girl, we are in the same boat... It's not easy for sure. You're a lot stronger than me though for sure. You've made it more than three months. I'm not even to month two and I'm ready to fall out and go home. Be positive, so I can stay positive. Thinking of you today and sending Happy thoughts toward Bavaria. :)

Duni said...

Hi Bailey,

thank you for you kind comment on my blog - much appreciated.
I do understand how you feel.While I live in Germany my family and friends are scattered all over the globe! Trust everything will work out for both of you in the end ♥
best wishes,
Duni - following your beautiful blog now, please follow back when you have the time. Thank you!